Common Mom

In the past 3 weeks, I’ve been witness/victim to numerous events that have greatly increased the amount of wisdom I hold in my little brain. Of course, I feel obligated to share this infinite wisdom with you all.

Did you know that a 7 year old can actually request to play Monopoly 150 times in any 21 day period? Did you know that if you’re really tired, a Monopoly game with a 7 year old can last until the next morning? Did you know that if you’re really sick of Monopoly, you can kick a 7 year old’s ass in approximately 13 minutes and 42 seconds? 

Did you know that a Jeep Grand Cherokee has a speed sensor? Yup, a speed sensor. And did you know that if this sensor were to say, stop working, your Jeep would also stop working? You see, this little sensor is what tells the Jeep when to shift. Without it, the Jeep has absolutely no idea how fast you are or are not going and will randomly shift, or not, just to drive you crazy.

Did you know that it takes 2 days and costs approximately $597.48 to replace a speed sensor?

Did you know that when you are the 2nd car in a line of 4 cars that are in a chain-reaction rear-ending accident, the damage done to your vehicle is around $2800? Did you know that the insurance company will make you fill out approximately 36 different forms to describe the accident before they will pay your chiropractor to fix your neck?

Did you know that even though the screen on your cell phone goes completely blank, said phone will still work?

Did you know that the cheapest phone you can buy when you walk in to a Verizon store costs $180? Unless, of course, you want to sign a 2 year contract - then the phone is free. And they don’t care that you’ve been a customer for the past 5 years and that you just renewed your contract 6 months ago and got that free phone which promptly broke so you started using your 4 year old phone because it still works. But they may be able to dig a refurbished phone out of the drawer and sell it to you for around $50 if you write the check directly to them. And hey, this refurbished phone might even come with the charger cord! What a deal!

Did you know that you can sneakily use the color printer at the office to print your letters from Santa when the perfect printer you own and love decides to break just when you need it most?

Did you know that you can make sugar cookie dough from scratch when King Soopers runs out of prepackaged sugar cookie dough the day that you volunteer to make 3 dozen cookies for your daughter’s winter festival?

Did you know that you just BARELY have to knock the canisters with the sugar and flour together to cause the flour canister to shatter and turn you in to a giant Pillsbury Dough Boy?

Did you know that it takes approximately 5 drops of regular Dawn dishwashing liquid to make your dishwasher suds out the top? Anyone seen the Brady Bunch? Ya - it was kinda like that - but the dishwasher instead of the washing machine.

Did you know that it takes a 7 year old approximately 30 seconds to recover from his amazement at the suds flowing out of the dishwasher and grab the phone to call Dad.

Did you know that even MAOMs can move at the speed of light when preventing son from calling Dad to tell him that Mom broke the dishwasher?

Did you know that you must run a dishwasher 3 times to rid said dishwasher of suds from regular Dawn dishwashing liquid?

Did you know that when a dishwasher is full of suds, the tops to Pampered Chef adjustable measuring spoons will float out of the silverware holder and land on the heating element? Did you know that the tops to Pampered Chef adjustable measuring spoons melt and warp when they land on a heating element in the dishwasher? Did you know that I no longer have Pampered Chef adjustable measuring spoons?

Did you know that simply pushing a plastic fork in to a soft taco from La Casita will cause the fork to snap in half?

Did you know that 7 year old boys with wonderful father’s as role models are very sensitive and will offer to help you scrub the kitchen floor because “You’ve had a rough day and should just go relax for a little while.”

“Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.” - J. Winter Smith

Trackback URI | Comments RSS