May 12th, 2008
Modest Prom - Part Deux
A while back, I wrote this post about modest prom.
Today, I received this comment on that post . . .
“As a parent of an 11 yr. old boy not from this country, I would say you need to see clothing from different perspectives. In many countries/societies, the body is not seen sexually as we see it in America. Yes, it is not right for a child to dress provocatively. However, if we continue to teach our children ‘body shame’ instead of ‘body confidence’, how can we ever hope (as a society) to move beyond body image disturbance and shame-based behaviors. Naturist families have it right: look beyond the surface at the beauty lying within.”
I agree with the comment . The “problem”, however, is that we DO live in America. The body IS seen sexually. Children DO dress provacatively, and it’s not because they are confident with their bodies. It’s because the clothes are out there available for sale. Most of the kids I see dressed inappropriately have no concept of body type. They’re wearing the clothes because their friends are wearing them.
There are clothes out there for everyone, and not everyone should wear all the clothes. Just because they make something in your size does not mean you should wear it.
I don’t believe I’m teaching my daughter shame-based behavior just because I want her to dress appropriately. I believe I’m teaching her about her body . . . how to take care of it . . . how to be proud of it . . . how to not feel like she HAS to flaunt it to get attention . . . how to dress tastefully.
She can wear shorts, dresses, tank tops, whatever . . . but she also can do it tastefully. She doesn’t need the word “PINK” or any word for that matter, scrawled across the butt of her pants. She doesn’t need to wear halter tops that show off her stomach at school. She does not need to wear shirts that show her bra . . . bras are not accessories, they are undergarments. When they are worn as accessories, I believe the wrong message is sent. She doesn’t need to wear pants that show off her panties.
The list goes on and on. As a society, and especially as parents, it’s our responsibility to teach our children about modesty, to respect their bodies, and to think about the message they are sending just by their clothing choices. Modesty does not mean wearing turtleneck sweaters and jeans year round. It means wearing clothes that fit properly and wearing them for the right reasons at the appropriate time. There are tons of kids out there who look wonderful and are happy and are not dressed in skimpy and provocative clothing. It can be done, and it should be done.
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Amen, sister!
You said it!
Yup. Yup. And yup. I agree. Mini-skirts with a matching sequined halter top MAY be made in my daughter’s size (at the age of 6), but she sure as heck is not going to wear it! Respect for self and others has to be taught early on.
OHHH I’m SO with you on this one. Teaching our girls to have respect for themselves and their bodies is no easy task in today’s society.
Thank you sooooo much for raising my granddaughter right!!!! Love…Mom
I heartily agree…as the mom of an almost 8 year old. It’s a very fine line to walk on. My daughter goes to a Waldorf school and her school in general doesn’t have issues with inappropriate dress. Yet, it is still everywhere. Even in rural Vermont.
My daughter is strong and muscular and feminine. I want her to be proud of that. But sequined haltar tops are not the answer. The cute tank top that covers her enough with the small sequined snail on it is a better choice and more age appropriate.
Thanks for your post.
I am so proud of the fact that you are teaching her such wonderful lessons in life. There are many mothers who do not know how to raise a child who is confident enough in herself to expect respect and dress to please herself and not other people.