Mar 6th, 2008
Serious Skills
There was an article on NPR last week about the decline of executive function, or self-regulation, in our kids’ minds today. I personally thought the article was excellent. I highly recommend you read it. It struck a chord with me because this past fall was our son’s first year at public school. And guess what they banned on the playground - TAG! Yup - OUR school was the butt of jokes on Leno. Apparently some kids didn’t want to be tagged and complained. So they banned tag. Um, how about you just don’t run, then they won’t chase you and tag you? Kinda takes the fun out of it. Then a few months later we got a letter home from school announcing a playground committee was being formed. According to the letter, the kids had created some really great games on the playground, but they wanted to get some parents together with the phys. ed. teacher to “refine the games and make some rules to make them safer for the children.” WHAT?! I couldn’t believe it. What happened to making up the rules as you went? What happened to making up games - period - that only you kids knew the rules to? Parents aren’t allowed to play those games . . . they are for the kids. It encourages cooperation and thinking and allows them to build serious skills.
I grew up in a small town in southern Minnesota. My brother and I we were home alone before school, after school, and all summer when we were young. And it was perfectly fine! We did great . . . and there were so many wonderful people in our community that my mother knew if we swore before we actually did it 
We learned how to budget our time . . . we had chores to do every day before mom got home. I’ll never forget the first time I said to my brother, Pat, “Let’s go and play. We can do this stuff later!” He looked at my 5 year-old self, basically told me I was crazy, and told me to get to work because he was not coming home at 3:00 so we could do the chores that we could do now before other kids were allowed out to play anyway. We learned how to decide what was important and what could wait . . . after I called mom at work for the 7th time in 2 hours, she set the rule that we could call her two times a day. Basically, this taught us to put our questions in a queue and decide when something was important enough to call, and what we had to figure out on our own. We got to play with our friends all. day. long. without parent intervention. Riding our bikes around town playing cops and robbers (that’s how I closelined myself on the tennis net at school and couldn’t move my neck for 3 weeks!), organizing baseball games at the school ball field where we chose teams without worrying if the kid who got chosen last would be emotionally scarred for life, mowing a football field in our backyard and playing tackle football sans pads and helmets, climbing trees, playing on the railroad tracks (hey, we’re all here with all of our limbs and appendages!). My brother and I learned how to get along better than a lot of siblings because we had to. We made ourselves lunch. He taught me to ride a two-wheel bike (put me on his bike, pushed me down the hill in the backyard, and yelled PEDAL! All sans helmet of course). We played Batman and Robin and jumped down an entire flight of stairs with nothing but a pillow case tied around our necks (no, we could not fly). We set up a target in front of the propane tank and shot the pellet gun at it (no, not a good idea). We worked extra to pay for the window we broke in the laundry room when we thought it was a good idea for the batter to stand on the patio in front of said window while the pitcher was in the middle of the yard. When we were older, we spent our entire summer camping at the lake with a bunch of other families. The parents went to work all day and we were all left to ourselves . . . with boats, and skis, and swimming, and volleyball, and bikes, and softball, and woods to run in. We all got up at 5:30 a.m., hopped in the back of the pickup, walked beans (any other 30-something midwesterners out there reading?) until noon, then headed back to the lake for a day of water skiing and swimming and whatever else it was we decided to do. No injuries, no accidents, no broken bones, no fights. Nobody was overweight - how could we be with all that running to do and fun to be had? We used our brains, we made good choices most of the time, and we made our own fun, with no adults around to “interfere” and help us make “rules” for our games to make them “safer.” And guess, what - we’re all grown up, we’re all responsible, and we’re all successful.
Times have changed -Â it’s obvious that there are so many things out there for our kids to play with . . . but not much is left to their imagination. I’ll admit that my kids have their fair share of toys, and then some. And they do play soccer and attend gymnastics class. But they certainly are not short on imagination. We own some plug and play video games, which they touch about 4 times a year. We have one old Gameboy, that they touch on the airplane or car rides over 5 hours long. But they are outside making stuff up as often as possible. They go out and climb trees, make forts out of sticks, make bike jumps out of old plywood and 2×4s, organize their own games of roller hockey and baseball in the cul de sac, ride their bikes around and around and around, make advanced road systems in the back yard with their Tonka trucks. We go hiking and they take their bug catchers with to see what they can find. They’ve got massive rock collections, which of course consist of rare diamonds and dinosaur eggs They have sleepovers and build fortresses out of blankets and pretend they’re defending their turf from the evil enemy - the little sisters! They play tea party, and army, and warriors, and see who can swing the highest or jump the furthest. They draw on the sidewalk with chalk. They spray the hose and pretend they’re firworks. They climb the biggest hills they can find when we take Duma on a walk and pretend they’re astronauts up high above the Earth. I only hope they continue to be able to use their play to enhance their minds and bodies and experience childhood as it should be . . . fun, mostly unscheduled, and carefree.
What do your kids do to enhance their imagination and develop “serious skills”? Do you let them play by themselves without intervening? Do you let them work out their own issues with each other? Do they have more toys than they know what to do with? Or do they pick up a stick and suddenly become a pirate or gladiator or music conductor?
RSS Feed
My children have more toys than I know what to do with. HOWEVER, with that being said, as soon as the basement is done (which, for the love of God, better be soon, Mr. Contractor!), Mommy is going through them all. We all know that they don’t play with most of them.
My kids (well, the older 2) are more “artsy”, if you will. A notebook and a pencil will occupy them for hours. We buy notebooks by the CASE when they go on sale for school. 4 cases bought this year and we are rationing out the 4th one now.
I cannot wait for summer when the yard can go in, and I can send them out to play. They beg for it now, but with the 8 inches of mud…I’m afraid to lose one of them.
I love summertime, when we all eat dinner and then head outside until dark to play games. (My daughter has a sensitivity to the sun and really can’t be out during the day without long sleeves, a hat and LOTS of sunblock…so this is our favorite time.)
We just did the toy sort at our house and made a huge trip to Goodwill . . . we’ve got a couple boxes under the steps of stuff they just couldn’t part with that we rotate out every now and then . . . but the upstairs is much much cleaner now . . . well, except for my daughter’s room - she thinks the puppy will eat all of her stuff, so she hid it all under her bunk bed in her room - all of her babies and strollers and stuff like that
Jason and Keira both have wonderful imaginations and are very capable of entertaining themselves and having fun with little or nothing in the way of “things”. I love to watch them play and it makes me smile to see the twinkle in their eye as they come up with fun…and sometimes mischevious…things to do. In my opinion, they are a beautiful example of what kids should be, and it is children such as them that make me much less fearful of what the future will bring for their generation. I am so proud of the way Jodie and Dan have raised their children!!! Last night on the TV show “Moment of Truth”, a gal was asked whether she thought she was a better parent to her children that her mother was to her. Jodie’s answer to that would definitely have to be a profound “YES” as she is a marvelous mother and it would make me very happy for that to be her answer as I love my grandchildren so much and I want the best for them!! Love…Mom
Well, Hailey is a little bit young still but we do try to make sure she uses her imagination. She does have way too many toys already and most of the time she doesn’t even use them. She’s much happier with a water bottle than a toy. But, we do encourage her to play by herself rather than be constantly entertained by one of us. And we don’t let her watch TV (except in the car). I know as she gets older it will harder. But, I love this post and totally agree with you!
I love this post. I grew up small town in Central MN on a farm 5 miles out of town. I was the oldest with two younger siblings. I did not see my friends from the day school got out until school started again - except at school. We had ourselves to entertain as my parents were often doing chores somewhere on the farm which included 150 acres. We’d climb silos to see how far we could go before we got scared, we hung out in the hay barn with the cats and jump from the rafters, we drove bobcats and tractors by age 5 and were filling anything and everything with gas for mom and dad, we shot our bb guns, drove three-wheeler with no helmets, spent countless hours by ourselves. I struggle with my girls not having those experiences to grow on since we now live in the “big city”. We do not have neighborhood kids around so they have to entertain each other and play with each other the majority of the time. We seldom do play dates because I figure they can play together. They love to color and play games. When they do watch tv they are always doing something else at the same time (I always did my homework in front of the tv). I just don’t see why I need to have other kids here or have them involved in activities every day so they aren’t bored or get into trouble. They need to learn their boundaries somehow. And if they get bored - perfect time to put their imaginations to work. I love the fact that my kids like the simple things - the other day Megan wished for the flowers to grow outside. They love to do egg hunts year round but for the fun of hunting, not because we put something in the eggs (we don’t). Anyway, I could go on and on. Granted, my kids have more toys than they know what to do with and can’t dare part with but when it comes down to it, they mainly do the simple things like writing or coloring or playing pretend with each other. And it’s a struggle to keep all those “outside forces” from imposing on their lives.
I just reread by post. The third sentence should be “except at church” which we attended every Sunday and I looked forward to so I could actually see someone!
Hi Jodie - great post! I am a big believer that kids should have lots of alone playtime - time to play with their friends, without too much parent intervention. I have a bunch of very independent kids and they all love to play outside and have always been good about using their imaginations to play. It does have a lot to do with letting them figure things out on the own and making up rules as they go along!
Thanks so much for stopping my - nice to see you. And, Thanks for stopping by and thank you for the prayers for our precious baby. We are hoping for the best, of course, and appreciate all the prayers. See you soon - Kellan
I couldn’t agree more. I don’t know why parents have turned int such control freaks these days but I don’t think it’s healthy that in trying to keep kids safe we are continually taking away choice and autonomy - how are they to learn good judement and decision making if they don’t get to practice?
What a great post! I completely agree with you! I wish things would turn back and go more in the direction that it was when we were kids. We have gone way over the line of safety and including kids and taken all their choices and decision making skills away. What kind of adults will that produce?
Jodie I’m so with you! I saw a piece on Sunday Morning about how children’s worlds are shrinking. I don’t remember the exact measurements, so I’ll make it up a little… In 1930 a 7 year old would walk 8 miles to a fishing hole, In 1970 a 7 year old would walk 4 miles to the library, In 1985 a 7 year old would walk 1 mile to a friends house, and In 2008 a 7 year old is not allowed to cross the street with out a parent!