Jan 28th, 2008
To Care For Your Motorola Phone…
I FINALLY got a new phone (thank you Honey!) - one where the battery lasts long enough to complete an entire 2 minute call, one that will synchronize with my Outlook calendar and contacts (bye bye Palm Pilot!), and one that is not older than my oldest child (he’s 7). I’m reading the manual, because I’m a writer and I HAVE to read the manual before beginning; I wouldn’t, afterall, want the person who wrote this manual to feel bad if I just threw it back in the box without reading it. Anywho, being that my job is to write user manuals and instructions every day all day, I’m always amazed at what we have to document; because there’s always SOMEONE out there who does the stupid thing, so we have to actually write “don’t do that dumbass!”
So I get to page 7, which is titled Use and Care. Here is what it says:
To care for your Motorola phone, please keep it away from:
- Liquids of Any Kind - do not expose your phone to water, rain, extreme humidity, sweat, or other moisture. Aw crap - you mean I can’t put it in my sports bra the next time I’m on the eliptical?
- Extreme Heat or Cold - Avoid temperatures below -10 degrees C/14 degrees F or above 45 degrees C/113 degrees F. Well, I guess going outside AT ALL last week woulda been out of the question since it was -10 F! And I couldn’t have taken it on our dinosaur tracks tour last September, because it was 131 degrees!
- Dust and Dirt - don’t expose your phone to dust, dirt, sand, food, or other inappropriate materials. I REALLY don’t want to know what the “other inappropriate materials” are that they’re referring to.
- Cleaning Solutions - To clean your phone, use only a dry soft cloth. Don’t use alcohol or other cleaning solutions. Now THIS one I can’t understand. Really? No disinfectant? No sanitizer? Nothing more than a dry cloth?
- The Ground - Don’t drop your phone. Ummmmm . . . hmmmmm, maybe I should send the phone back right now. Phone number 1 was the size of a rotary phone - it had to be one of the originals. Phone number 2 was much smaller, but found it’s way to the ground many many times. Phone number 3 was perfect - I loved it, until the battery started to not work so well. Phone number 4 was awesome - until I smashed it between the seat and the seat back when the seat sprung up after I jumped up to yell and scream at another Brett Favre touchdown pass at the Packers vs Vikings game! Back to Phone number 3, which still worked great - until the screen went blank. It didn’t stop working immediately after I dropped it on the concrete floor. It waited a week - then decided it had had enough. Let’s hope Phone number 5 can stay above ground!
- Microwaves - Don’t try to dry your phone in a microwave oven. Really?! Are you KIDDING me? Somebody ACTUALLY did this, and now you have to write it in the user manual?
They should have just written:
To care for your motorola phone, please keep it away from humans. You are all clumsy dumb asses who don’t deserve to have a phone that isn’t attached to the wall.
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On a serious note, I don’t think they write the manuals for the dumbasses. I think they write the manual to relieve themselves of all possible liability for whatever may go wrong with a cell phone. Shame on them…shame on all of the companies who write similar liability disclaimers…and shame on the customers who force them to do so because they aren’t willing to accept responsibility for their own failure to take appropriate care of their cell phone and who want someone else to pay for a replacement!!! Just to clarify…I’m certainly not placing you in that group Jodie. You are probably the most responsible person I have ever known!! So proud of you…
Love
Mom
In my case, manuals should include keeping them away from my 8 month old’s spit. I just bought a new phone yesterday because she drooled all over my old one and killed it.
I’ve also washed one and run over another one. I am clearly one of the clumsy dumb asses you were talking about!
Ya - I haven’t had much luck with phones as you can tell from the “Ground” part above
I’m hoping that a bit more expensive phone will give me incentive to be a bit more careful with it 
I finally bought a decent pair of sunglasses and I’ve had them for 2 years! I hope I just didn’t jinx myself . . .
The microwave part just killed me!
D-U-H!!
The microwave? Really?? Darn and I thought we could all have some leftover cell phone for supper tomorrow!
ROFL! Okay, that was priceless. Too bad they didn’t have one for me last summer that said, “Don’t put your phone in your swimming shorts and then jump in the pool for the Mommy and Me class and forget to take it out.”
Doh.