Common Mom

At my expense . . . hey, it’s good to be able to laugh at yourself and admit that you’re a dumbass!

ACT I/SCENE I

The Setting:

After a 4 hour whirlwind tour of homes with yellow lab puppies for sale, a tired family of 4 rides silently, but happily, toward home in their Jeep. It’s late, it’s dark, and the kids are tired.

Everyone is silently jumping out of their skin at the excitement that will crest tomorrow when they get to pick their very own puppy from a litter of 9 bundles of joy. To celebrate, the family pulls in to Mc D’s and gets some good ol’ ice milk cones from the drive through.

The Conversation:

Me: Yumm-Y! This is a yummo ice cream cone.
Hubby: Yup - pretty darn good.
M: ‘Cept the cone’s a bit stale.
H: Hmmm. Ya think?

30 seconds of silence

M: Either that, or I’m a complete dumbass.
H: Are you ACTUALLY eating the paper wrapping?
M: Um, yes, I might possibly be eating the paper wrapping.

ACT I/SCENE II 

The Setting 

Family of 4 continues ride in Jeep, erupting into fits of laughter at Mom’s stupidity. Mom is getting uncomfortable because even though she had to use the restroom 3 hours earlier, they never had a chance with the whirlwind tour of homes selling yellow lab puppies.

The Conversation

M: I have GOT to stop laughing or I’m gonna pee my pants!
H: I was wondering whatever happened with that - didn’t you say you had to go to the bathroom like 3 hours ago?
M: Yes, I did. And NO I have not gone yet.
Jason: (from back seat) Gulp Gulp Gulp Ahhhhhhhhh! This water sure is good! (leaning forward to hold bottle by mom’s nose) Hey Mom, want some? It sure is good. You should really drink some of this great water to stay healthy. Gulp Gulp Gulp

Yes, my 7 year old son is a smartass!

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