Common Mom

I was having a hard time deciding what to write about for my very first entry. After much careful consideration (OK, not really, but it sounds good!), I decided to begin with a story from my past to give you some insight into the fun and challenges my children present to me on a daily bases. I love my two children more than I ever could have imagined and wouldn’t trade my life for anything. The following takes place on September 7, 2003 precisely 1 month after we moved in to our “new to us” but older than any of us house. My son, Jason, is 3 and my daughter, Keira, is 9 months old. Enjoy, and feel free to laugh

Sunday, September 7, 2003

My wonderful husband is gone flying for a week, so I get to enjoy our new house with the children.

Woke up at 2:15 a.m. to a little boy standing by my bed staring at me - scared the crap out of me! He crawls in bed with me (I’m too tired and lazy to take him back to his own room - bad Jodie!)

Woke up at 5:15 a.m. to little girl screaming for food - she went to sleep at 7:00 Saturday evening, so was very hungry.

Spent morning with crabby little girl (teething??? or just tired - who knows) while little boy watched cartoons (bad Jodie!).

Gave crabby little girl Tylenol for her teeth and she slept for 3 hours - yeah!

Jason helped me clean out the storage closet a little bit, then went upstairs alone.

I went upstairs to see what little boy is doing - scold little boy for writing on his shirt and pants with a permanent marker. Scrub little boy to death in hopes of getting some of it off before it dries.

Eat lunch.

Punished little boy for peeing on the floor in the bathroom. His explanation “I was trying to see how long I could hold it in my winky” - my response “DON’T DO THAT!”

I went into the bathroom . . . flushed toilet, which promptly overflowed. Jason explains that he “might have put something in there.” I asked him what - he said a toothbrush. That floated back up, so I took it out. Interrogated little boy to see if there was anything else in the toilet. He promised me no.

I flush toilet, hoping it will flush. Instead, it overflows even more - puddles on the floor. Grab every towel I can find to soak up water. Plunger plunger plunger! Not working - still overflowing more and more.

Realize crabby little girl is standing next to tub, in puddles of toilet water! Pick up crabby little girl and put her in the hall. She gets mad because she REALLY loves baths and wants to get in the tub. Afterall, we’re having a party in there without her, aren’t we? I shut bathroom door.

Run downstairs to get every towel we own to soak up water. Hear dripping. Walk into spare bedroom. See paint on ceiling bubbling as a steady stream of water falls to the carpet, in 5 spots!

Put many towels on floor to try to catch dripping. Run upstairs to put towels on bathroom floor. Little boy is flushing the toilet, OVER AND OVER, which of course means more water flowing and flowing and little girl crawling in puddles on floor.

Remove little girl and little boy, banishing them to their rooms with doors shut for the moment.

Call Speedy Rooter.

Scold little boy! Make him tell me what else he put in there - he insists nothing.

Clean up crabby little girl in mom’s bath tub. Change her crib sheet.

Clean up little boy in moms’ bath tub. Change his bed sheets.

Wait for Speedy Rooter guy to come.

Start eating dinner.

Speedy Rooter guy finds a tube of toothpaste in the toilet - toilet drains.

Send little boy to his room - screaming because “I’m hungry and I want to eat dinner!”

Write out check to Speedy Rooter guy.

Talk to little boy about what he did.

Spring to kitchen after hearing yellow dog put paws on table to eat Jason’s hamburger.

Get little boy back to table, new hamburger in hand, to finish eating dinner.

Scold yellow dog for eating hamburger.

Give crabby little girl some more Cheerios in high chair.

Get crabby little girl to bed.

Wash more towels (spent all day doing laundry already!)

Get little boy ready for bed, popcorn in hand (why I let him have that, I don’t know!). Put little boy in mom’s bed to watch something while I clean the bathroom.

Put TONS of wet soaking pee and poop-filled towels in laundry basket.

Walk downstairs to laundry room.

Lose my footing half way down the stairs and slide down on my back and butt, getting splashed with wet soaking waste-filled towels on the way. Got some great rug burns on my elbows and a lovely bruise on my knee!

Stand up, pissed as hell, cursing to beat hell!

Put laundry in washer.

Go to garbage to get garbage ready for morning - hear dripping.

See water dripping through the ceiling in to Maggie’s (yellow lab) food bin! Little boy did not put cover back on bin after feeding yellow dog - therefore, food bin is now being covered in pee sauce.

Upstairs to get little boy in bed.

Little boy in bed. Get myself ready for bed.

Walk to refrigerator for a much needed beer. We have no beer. Open up liquor cabinet, grab bottle of Canadian Club, head to the bedroom.

Lay down in bed, fill glass with whiskey - hear fly. Spot monster fly dive bombing the bed (it was HUGE - like a bumble bee - no kidding).

Get up to get fly swatter. Come back, no fly.

Get in bed, glass at lips ready for a drink. Little boy sprints into my room, scaring the crap out of me. “But mom, there is a fly in my room!”

Get out of bed, fly swatter in hand. Try to remain calm while little boy directs me to the fly.

Spot monster bumble bee fly on light, which is attached to new ceiling fan.

Swat fly on light.

Result - 1 dead fly, 1 broken light

Say “Oh S*&%!” Tell little boy that even though mommy said that, he should not say that!

Put little boy in bed.

Walk across hall, get in bed, and drink directly from the bottle.

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