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April 13th, 2011:

The Dreaded Snack Schedule

I love youth sports. I played youth sports. My kids play youth sports. It’s fun. It’s awesome. It’s hilarious. I wouldn’t trade the experiences for anything.

I would, however, trade that damned snack schedule for just about anything else! Oh. My. Gawd!

Whoever invented the dreaded snack schedule be sentenced to a lifetime of providing snacks for youth sports teams. I used to volunteer to organize TDSS when the coach asked and nobody else would volunteer. I quit doing that. I hate snack schedules. They’re stupid.

And the whole process of organizing TDSS is stupid.

And some of the parents involved with snack schedules are stupid (at least about snack schedules).

  1. Thank you for volunteering to organize the snack schedule; but if you’re going to do so, please actually pay attention and do it before the 2nd game of the season is over.
  2. If you ask me when I want to bring snacks and I tell you, and you say that week is taken and offer the next week and I say yes, write it down.
  3. If you choose not to write it down and instead send out a snack schedule sign-up with that date empty, at least read my email that I send immediately saying I chose those days.
  4. When you choose not to read my email and give someone else the day, don’t give me the “you suck as a parent because you won’t bring snacks” soccer mom sneer when I tell you the only day left is a day we won’t be there so I’m sorry I can’t bring snacks and that’s why I asked for the other day RIGHT AWAY. Oh – and you can suck it because now what the hell am I supposed to do with enough oranges and juice boxes for 13 girls because I bought the stuff when I was certain I’d be bringing snacks on the day we discussed TWICE.
  5. If you volunteer to organize the snack schedule for a bunch of little league games for the team, please read both dates of my email when I respond IMMEDIATELY saying I’d bring snacks for the next two games.
  6. Don’t come to me at the next game telling me thank you for bringing snacks, but it wasn’t your day as I lug enough mini-Cliff bars and G2s, along with all the team equipment, to the field.
  7. Definitely don’t continue to follow me to the field with your clipboard telling me I have to sign up for a different 2nd day because you couldn’t read an email.
  8. Coaches shouldn’t have to sign up for the snack schedule, anyway!
  9. If your kid is allergic to peanuts, glutin, and everything else under the sun, bring your own damn snack for them instead of sending out an email with a list of the 2 things your child can have.
  10. If you prefer that your child not eat sugar, then bring your own damn snack for them instead of sending an email to all the parents asking that they please respect YOUR choices and not bring ANY item with ANY sugar in it – and organic is best.

Basically for my daughter’s soccer team, the only snack we can bring is dirt – it’s not peanuts, it’s not eggs, it’s not glutin, it’s not sugar, it’s not citrus, and as far as I know, it is completely natural.

Oh – and if the kids are old enough to SHAVE, I don’t think the surprise snack after the game on Saturday is the best part of their day anymore. Just sayin’ . . .