Babies vs Puppies

How is it that a tiny little puppy can be outside with you for 15 minutes, poop and pee in every place possible in the yard, yet 5 minutes later decide she just CAN’T wait to go again and has to pee on the floor?

Life with Duma is fun But I’m a total zombie because quite frankly, having a puppy is WORSE than having a baby in the house.

Babies - feed them a bottle and they go in to that milk coma and take a nice long nap.
Puppies - feed them a meal and they become something akin to the Tazmanian Devil. Not so much fun when you’re house training and HAVE to have them in your sights at all times.

Babies - are toothless when they are born and even though they like to put things in their mouth, they can’t bite.
Puppies - come with a bunch of tiny needles attached to their gums! They especially like to chew on little fingers and antique rocking chairs. (I immediately moved the chair downstairs to the guest room - that thing is NOT getting ruined!)

Babies - stiffen, turn red, and pee and poop in their diaper.
Puppies - get up, walk around the room 3 times, sniff everything except their own behind, turn in 3 circles, then sit down - psych! They let you take them outside anyway, and they just sit there and stare at you like you’re crazy for making them freeze their paws off in -5 degrees. They oblige by peeing a bit so you’ll take them back inside. 10 minutes later, without any warning, they squat and do their business.

Babies - lay on the floor on a blanket and love it when you lay next to them and talk to them.
Puppies - lay on the floor on a blanket and love it when you lay next to them and talk to them, because that’s the signal that they can jump on your head, bite your hair, and try to run down the hall with you in tow.

Babies - wake up at night because they’re hungry or have a messy diaper. You walk across the hall into a warm bedroom, pick up a warm cuddly baby, change its diaper, feed it, put it back in bed, and walk back across the hall to your warm bed.
Puppies - wake up at night because they have to go potty. You get out of bed, walk down the hall, down 2 flights of stairs, into the office, pry open a kennel door, try to wrestle a collar on a 13 pound ball of fire, stuff your bare feet in snow boots, put on a flannel jacket, head outside in to 2 feet of snow and -10 degree temperatures, and follow your dog around the yard for 10 minutes until she finds EXACTLY the right spot to go potty while you keep an eye out for coyotes and the occasional mountain lion. Then you high tail it into the house, wrestle said puppy back in to the kennel, and race upstairs to your own bathroom because cold weather is not a good thing for a full bladder.

Ahhhh - good times, good times.