When I was growing up, I was shy. It’s kind of weird, because I’ve always been independent and willing to try new stuff and all that jazz, but I was shy. Shy to ask an adult for something. Shy to be singled out (I still hate being the center of attention!). Shy to try out for something, like a solo for the music program. I’d rather hang out with the crowd and blend in while still having fun and expressing myself.
I decided that when I had kids, I was going to try my darndest to raise them to not be shy. I know, it’s part of their personality or not; there isn’t much we can do about it. But I think that in some ways, I’ve succeeded. I’ve made the kids call their friends’ parents to ask about sleepovers and play dates rather than having me do it. I’ve made them ask others if they can pet their dog, instead of me doing it for them. I’ve made them order their own food at restaurants since they started talking. And I think it’s working.
Case In Point . . . Dude has a music program in a few weeks. All 4 3rd grade classes are getting together to perform for all the parents and whoever else shows up. There are 7 singing solos in the program. Dude surprised the heck out of me when he came home and said “I signed up with Ms. Erickson to try out for a solo next Wednesday at 5:00 p.m.” Uh, WHAT?! I guess because it’s something I never would have done, it surprised me. I told him he couldn’t do it because he had another commitment that night at 5:15, so the next day, he went and set up a special time the next morning to try out. He didn’t get one of the solos. But he was OK with it. He wanted to do it, and he made it happen. I was totally proud of him for even trying!
He campaigned to be a 3rd grade representative on the elementary school council. Again, something I NEVER would have dreamed of doing. He didn’t win . . . but he put himself out there and tried. He also mentioned how he learned what he needed to do different next year to have a better chance at winning.
And this past week, a note was sent home in his folder. It said they were having a healthy snack cooking contest for the 3rd-8th graders. 8TH GRADERS!!! When I was in 3rd grade, the 8th graders were big and old and scary! I would NEVER have competed against them! For the cooking contest, you had to submit your recipe for a healthy snack. They’ll read them and choose 10 to compete in a cookoff in the school cafeteria on a Saturday morning. The 10 finalists have to go to the cafeteria, with their ingredients, and cook and create their healthy snack right there in front of everyone. Then the judges choose a winner. I shouldn’t have been surprised that he wanted to do it, but I still was. He figured out a recipe, put it on a recipe card, and sent it in for consideration.
My little Dude is putting himself out there, and I’m so proud of him.
I’m sure we all had one thing we wanted our kids to be (or not to be) that we were or weren’t when we were growing up. What’s one thing you’ve made an effort to instill in your children that’s different from you growing up?
I wanted to spend more time doing “fun” things with my kids…thus the all summer camping we did. I wanted them to spend more time with their aunts, uncles, and cousins…thus the all summer camping we did with them and also the frequent family get togethers and sleepovers with their cousins. Love my kids… Love…Mom
I don’t have kids, but if I did I would follow your example of teaching them to be proactive when it comes to volunteering or asking adults for guidance.
I look back on my childhood and wonder how different things would have been if I wasn’t so oblivious to how much adults want to give children good advice or help. Maybe it was there but I was too arrogant to see it, and wouldn’t have accepted the advice anyway?
I always wanted my children to care about other people. I encourged kindness. Example, when they were really young I would encourage them to help me cheer people up, etc. So, when the lady a few houses from us, was overdue and very pregnant, each of the boys could take a rose to her each day before she finally had the baby. So, we the four of us would march down the street and each presented her with a rose.They took turns and each had a day. Well, before my third son gave her a rose, she had the baby so he was very disappointed, but he grew up being a very caring, loving man.
My parents believed that spending time with your kids meant having them help the grown ups with what ever they were doing. I spent a lot of time with my parents, cleaning the house, working out side, going to hunting camp with dad… you get the picture. Now I try to spend time with my kids doing things they enjoy (picked out) as well as things that I like to do. I want them to know that what is important to them is important to me too!