The New Junk Drawer

We got our carpets cleaned yesterday - and in the process I noticed how heavy one of the rolly toy thingies was getting - a brief look in to one of the drawers and I realized it was full of junk toys - you know, Happy Meal toys, cheesy toys from the salon/restaurant, etc. Heck, my kids even get suckers from the liquor store (it’s right next to the salon - read on please). I realized it was our new junk drawer, and got to thinking - when did we become a society that believed we had to CONSTANTLY entertain our kids? Or bribe them to behave at dinner/school/church/the grocery store? We do a lot of stuff as a family - hiking, camping, the zoo, playing games, etc. . . . but at the same time, Dan and I are trying really hard to raise our kids so they don’t feel entitled to anything other than our unconditional love and to realize that they are in control of their choices and the consequenses. They have to earn things - good behavior and manners are expected, not rewarded. Bad behavior results in lost privileges.

Case in point - I took my son to get a haircut, and my daughter had to sit quietly while he got his hair cut - or so I thought. After 2 minutes, the lady cutting my sons hair said “Oh sweetie, I bet you’re bored just sitting there. Here, let me put a movie in the TV for you.” WHAT?!? Since WHEN do the kids need to watch TV for 10 minutes at the salon while their brother gets his hair cut? And then after the haircut, Jason got a toy - for getting his hair cut! He sat there for 10 minutes while she buzzed his head and somehow “deserved” a toy as the hair cutter lady said. Then Keira got upset because she couldn’t have a toy . . . I told her that we’d talked about it before we even got there and that only the kids who get their hair cut get a toy. She of course insisted that she immediately needed a hair cut then went in to the whole “but I sat so nicely the WHOLE time that Jason got his hair cut - so I think I deserve a toy, too…” bit. I went on to explain that sitting nicely is expected whether or not you’ve got a reward coming. The reward for behaving is that you’re not grounded when you get home!

Anyway, I was just thinking about the days when kids were allowed to be kids, but were also expected to behave no matter what. And if you didn’t behave - the long arm of the law (i.e. Dad) made a visit. The only time you expected anything was on the rare occasion you got to go to the bank with mom and you ended up with a Dum Dum - and oh boy, what a treat that was!

Do you remember when you were growing up and you were expected to:

• sit at dinner in a restaurant without crayons and a menu that you could color on (mom might have pulled a pen - a red felt one if you were super lucky - and deposit slip out of her purse for you to draw on)?
• entertain yourself on a 30 minute car ride WITHOUT a TV/iPod/GameBoy, all the while having to listen to DAD’s music of choice?
• play outside for an entire Saturday with your friends without any parent moderating or telling you to be careful?
• sit for 30 minutes on Saturday morning waiting to get your hair cut, then sitting for another 15 minutes during the hair cut, without the prospect of a cheesy toy at the end of the torture?

I’m only hoping that our kids enjoy the time the spend with us as well as their time without us. I love watching my kids outside with the neighbor kids, riding bike, playing baseball, pretending they’re dinosaurs - all sans parental involvement. They’ve all got to have time to learn and experience on their own while we guide them through life and it’s tough choices, right? I mean, if we never let our kids learn the tough lessons, how will they be able to make good choices as adults?